Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
