i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
