Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
