So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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