Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
