areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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