Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
