K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
