I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
