Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
