he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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