i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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