Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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