just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
