well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
