His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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