Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
