she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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