Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
