I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
