Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
