I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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