your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
