people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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