dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
