Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
