Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
