just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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