She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
