I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
