I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
