I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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