So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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