I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
