he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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