So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
