Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
