??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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