walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
