Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
