I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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