i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I looked at my own cervix.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
