she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
