ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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