i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
