We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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