I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
