You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
