I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
