I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
